Life goes on, Learning, challenges, mistakes and outcomes!

Over the past days life has been through a lot of ups and downs, not sure why but I am unable to cope with the emotional spectrum life offers at the age of 27. For the first time in my life, I felt self confident, also it was the first time I felt worthless. 

Sometimes I feel, I don't feel anything and sometimes time just stops, sometimes I am in so much control over myself and sometimes I just done know what am I doing. Sometimes I read, sometimes I listen, sometimes I talk, but most of the time I just keep conversing with self. Sometimes I cry, Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I feel turbulence and sometimes I fell calm. Sometimes I oversleep, Sometimes I am insomniac. Sometimes I keep looking for something just later to realize I don't what I am searching for. Sometimes I just blame the innate me, sometimes I blame the experiential me, Sometimes I blame the conditional me, Sometimes I blame the environmental me. Sometimes I just don't know why I am arguing for, sometimes I just keep quite even when I have a valid argument. Sometimes I am imitating, sometimes I am replicating, sometimes I am hypocrite, and sometimes I am cynical. Sometimes I complete my goals way earlier, sometimes I just don't start towards the goal. It happens at times that I am too innocent to trust and sometimes I holdback for no particular reason. 

I don't know why I am losing control over self, or am I gaining control by losing it. Life's not moving for me or rather the frames are reversed I am still while life is moving. I didn't get what I felt pure that created a void which never existed before. I don't know now the difference between pure and artificial. I don't know what I need, or I know now what I am capable of. Culpability towards self and self acceptance is at an all time high, but sometimes I feel Its too much and I have lost a leader, powerful personality in me and I have become just a pawn living for others. I have had my ego dissolution but now I want it back. 

The below is an experience I felt while seating on a riverbank in evening and powering the void within:

   On the Riverbank I sit,

Pondering the evenings sight. 

Mediating the void within, 

Lost in introspective fight....

Tears form, shallow's embrace,

Rolling on cheeks, whispers of dissent trace,

Illuminated by sunlight's grace,

Spherical reflections now encase, 

Sheen turns into misty space,

Mist takes flight, a gusty glide, 

While I sit following the tide....

Sorrow's locked, drifting the flow apart, 

 carried by wind, aimless depart, 

Eyes open, facade of illusion shatter, 

As Dusk unveils the lost kingdom's platter....

Ghost of reality swiftly strikes, 

demeaning the kingdoms soul it dislikes,

Tears disappear leaving no marks behind,

In the shrine of illusion what do you find??

    No tears, nor the sun's ray cast,

Only the Rivers silent joy, so vast, 

Unanswered questions in reality's blend,

Illusions fade as dusk descends...

Grasping the reality, seeking what's true, 

lost my voice, in the echo of dew,

Evening faced into the blanket of night, 

Tales of purity slip from sight....

Like the river's flow from the grasp of my palm, 

Slipping quietly, a serene yet haunting calm....

Now that I know the reality, lets embrace it, look for happiness in the innate identity developed through new environment, company and decisions. 

Run behind pride and get rid of sympathy, you will create your own identity, not fearing outcomes, just do it, just do it....

A letter to Pie in SKY update 2022.

 A promise to self

It's a lot of time that you have taken just to realize very few important things in life but now that you have realized those take a moment and appreciate your efforts and promise me to be clean and pure every time you come back to me.

• Regain consciousness and control over oneself: - Don't be lost in zero, immerse yourself in the ambrosia of good thoughts and knowledge the world is filled with lust and greed replace it with love and empathy. (Still even not halfway)

• Start caring instead of blaming: - More than half of your life has been in blaming and complaining pls now grow up and start accepting things as it is, try to be the change instead of continuously asking for change. (This is somewhat achieved)

• Do something which will make you happy and proud: - you don't remember the last time when you were truly happy. (Still don't remember)

• Words are value destroyers and value creators too. try to be very careful with them. Rather than be quiet instead speaking anything, it's not important to protect yourself always. 

• Likelihood of your own mindset is something to be regained, try enjoying your company of yourself. 

• Love something and be really great and expert in it, create a path to apply in a conscious way.

• Words are value destroyers and value creators too. try to be very careful with them. Rather than be quiet instead speak anything which comes to mind, try storing thoughts. 

• Coming back to the point, don't let your attitude, your words, and your behaviors be a matter of joke for anybody. This leads to ignorance, and you lose credibility. Remember the words of Mr. Pawar from NSP "The first step to achieving respect is to get busy with something."

• Stop Subvocalizing, and grasp knowledge as fast as you can. 

• Read 50 pages per day. Per language. It's difficult but worth it.

• Get really good at academics and study beyond academics in subjects of Interest.

• Get into good shape and fitness and keep things to yourself. Respect your privacy. Nobody should know your daily routine and the things you do.

Improve human interactions.

Respect yourself

Make your story worth reading.

Express and project happy thoughts and vibes, attract and refine all negativity make yourself a healer which attracts black and project sanity.

A letter to the pie in the sky.

A promise to self

It's a lot of time that you have taken just to realize very few important things in life but now that you have realized those take a moment and appreciate your efforts and promise me to be clean and pure every time you come back to me.

• Regain consciousness and control over oneself.:- Don't be lost in zero, immerse yourself in the ambrosia of good thoughts and knowledge the world is filled with lust and greed replace it with love and empathy. 

• Start caring instead of blaming: - More than half of your life has been in blaming and complaining pls now grow up and start accepting things as it is, try to be the change instead of continuously asking for change. 

• Do something which will make you happy and proud: - you don't remember the last time when you were truly happy 

Improve human interactions.

Respect yourself

Make your story worth reading.

Express and project happy thoughts and vibes, attract and refine all negativity make yourself a healer which attracts black and project sanity.

A thought walk on the lanes of Sensitivity

   We as of today have been all racing for dreams, desires, luxuries and  comfort. Our lives just are revolving around these four words. We come to the world, we desire and then dream of it. We work for our desires which often are subset of luxuries and comfort. This is somewhat our lives have been.
   But there's a link which we all have collectively ignored " Sensitivity ", Sensitivity towards society, sensitivity towards planet, and most importantly sensitivity of our own mind. Ask yourself a question, when was the last time you refrained yourself from doing and activity because you mind said no at the very last moment? The answer will make you remind your mind is the purest form of truth available in the entire universe.
   Sensitivity towards your own mind makes you the kind of person who are born, it gives you your unique ability, your unique purpose, and your unique sole. But today the whole game is changed you are not original, But we now have to say, Being original is not that simple! these are just our deeds which have brought us to such shabby stage.
  Being original doesn't mean to do things which are not done
   We have restricted ourselves, enslaved our mind, just to run the race. The race full of misconceptions filled with self seeking greed. On the race track we are so insensitive that we forget our actions have consequences. Global warming is biggest example of such consequences. Still we haven't learnt any lesson. Pollution is not the root cause the root cause lies in you, your insensitivity towards your acts.
   Lets have a look at our evolution, first we were all Humans,then we got divided as races, then as national citizens, then religion, then caste and if the trend goes on humanity is in danger. We have somewhat lost our true spirit of togetherness just running behind the four words mentioned earlier. We all should have dreams we should aspire to be someone but without losing sensitivity of mind. 
    What's more now we have a rage of human conflicts raising from the civil wars, religious beliefs,
political ideologies, we are somewhere lost our empathetic characteristics.
      

Boy and his ship - myth of 'me'

It's SEPTEMBER 2019 the day when the beloved Indian deity 'Ganpati' is officially immersed to make his way back to his home. This year was just like another year no difference but there a story worth telling.

I am an atheist I don't believe in something external driving us to a predetermined destination! But that doesn't mean I am not spiritual. I respect the creation and its creator. The story is about a boy and his ship handcrafted in February 2019 by a special-purpose vehicle created by the Society of Indian Peers.

A lonely boy and his way to the self-renaissance, evolution as a human, and calming the burning soul. Healing is what is needed for a wounded soldier rather than some cash prizes.

Ok then the story starts in February at Bandra Railway Station, I am calling some friends to meet and I am high on some tension that I really don't know what's happening around me. I meet my friends after a long time at Andheri we spend some quality time together, as usual, I do some blunders while ordering food. We discuss future plans Uncertainty is what is clearly seen in our eyes. While returning I meet a guy (the bow), Viral Mehta a diabetic doctor who is somewhere interested in my ideas he said some one-liner, don't think of too much of a dream project, start doing the market the economy creates space for anything you wish, doing is a process thinking is an action during process.

In peer pressure, I do something out of desperation (this is the first time emotion overpowered me) I take a job, I am happy but at the same time feel lost I console myself unemployment feels lot worse. I do my job but consider myself left out I am never respected in the organization, okay I had no credibility to deserve respect but I was left out for many weeks, sure I am an introvert I don't speak to people, but I was feeling being trapped then a friend Mr Rinaldo(the stern
) Consoled me out, and another guy Deven(The hull) thought me how to let things go, Some of my learnings.
1. Corporate greed is real
2. Ass licking Morons do exist
3. Corporate Luxury is real I stayed at 'The Oberoi'!
Utterly misbehaving people and Moronic bosses, how did they become so successful? My boss had some really great marketing skills but still, he was the most greedy, selfish, and barbaric person I had ever met in my entire lifetime. I experienced Jealousy for the first time in my life, this greedy world had started to have a negative impact on me. Observing people in the train would give me hope, everybody is fighting life, but the fight is for stability, not growth this is something that is still bugging me.
Among the same crowd, there was a guy a professional from the pharmacy industry. This guy tried to escape this rat race three times with different business plans but has failed each time and is still trying to escape even after 7-8 yrs of experience in the industry, we open up to strangers very nicely  I asked him almost everybody in this entire coach is about stability what makes you different to which he replied freedom and sanity, the story goes like this, His daughter had a medical emergency and I predicted any other general story of not getting leave and some tragic scenes but this was different, it was a story of self-realization, at the time of her consultation he was asked some questions to which he didn't know any answers which included very basic questions like what's her blood group. He said to me "My daughter is already 5 yrs old and I don't have any memories to cherish" I have a large loan to pay but I need her to know me truly I don't want her to answer the question to what does your dad do? as he works for some company, I want her to answer it as he teaches me, he cares for me something like that", in conclusion, he wanted a better work-life balance, but my gut says there's more to it.

Just a thought "Objectification" the real cause.

Just a thought, men objectifying women is a trending topic, yes feminism is good, the female gender should be respected and treated equally, but there is another kind of objectification that is bothering me. Workforce objectification!
Let me share some key concepts which are thought in industrial management and practiced in real grounds,
Taylors rules:-
Use of slow-motion cameras to capture workers movements and analyze them for maximum productivity.
Doesn't this sound objectification?
There are many such rules being researched in the industrial management community, there is a whole concept of work and time study which neglects the physical and psychological cost to workers with the ultimate aim to improve production efficiency.
How can the society develop sensitivity towards human beings if such things are embarked upon?
Prominent personalities like Taylor and Gilberth were heavily criticized for their studies but the greedy industrial world uses it to improve their yield.
Such managerial thoughts need an absolute makeover and to  do it the first thing we can do is remove such kind of ideologies from our curriculum because it has a very different impact on the 'professional mind' (a state where only work completion is the priority)

2018 A year that made me realize the reality of dreams!

  Here now standing on the wedge of uncertainty, I now understand the subtle growth which I had over the years, everything was spontaneous back then, never really thought of a meaningful existence. No suddenly toxic gases of uncertainty, competition, choices & chances, have depleted my ozone shield and brought me to the harsh reality.
  2018 thought me the importance of present, the virtues of past, and proved choice defining Butterfly effect of future. Its saw the transition of "What? When? Where? How?" to "Something? Somewhere? Somehow?" and then finally to "This? Here? Now?"
  This year changed me from being an impenetrable stubborn to being a liberal geek. This year brought up the free thinker inside me, I started listening to others, respecting their views, And got a new perspective towards society.
  2018 started on a high note our work was being recognized, we just has a good experience a recent competition and so were filled with positive energy, entered the new year with a sublime goal. Goal to exceed in exams and be a product designer. Another goal was to make our idea into a product, the Holographic 3d energy field. Which High energy we entered the new year worked hard, it was end of January and Design entrance, Result- Failure, Reason- Bounded Ideas. Next month 'GATE', Result- Failure, Reason- lack of interest in mechanical engineering.
  A heap of unanswered questions occupied my mind, they demonized my mind, corrode it, made me feel like end, everyday I woke up and 1st thing in my mind was What's next? When? How?
  Days passed, me being a weird introvert didn't had anybody to share my feelings. In the meantime I had an amazing trek at the kalawantin hills. The journey enthralled me, calmed my mind, gave me vision of near future, I saw my idea becoming a reality.

 Next couple of months worked hard ideated, made a cool holographic lens presented at VNPS- annual showcase of our college didn't the prize, next day won the prestigious 'Bizmasters' and a heavy cash reward too. 

 Things were just starting to get better, but again  demons of life intercepted, Got rejected in two companies, but this time consoled myself with temporary answers like something, somewhere, sometime.

  College fests, something which I truly enjoyed this year, the cultural days, the events, the last DJ night, the satirizing moments of failed dance attempt of some group members, memorable moments there. 

 Then we had the farewell party but it was not as emotional as it sounded, probably because we still had a month of college left or it was just something I personally felt, it was emotionless yet disturbing by the fact that many has chosen their next career move I has on haunted question of what's next?

Still the night was best and unforgettable, a comedy of errors, a friend lost his bag in an autorickshaw

and we searched like menial, we followed every autorickshaw resembling the once in which he forgot his bag, scanned CCTV footages, but no avail, calling off the search operation we boarded on the last train to return home. 

Days passed, finals semester  exams, last paper, a final bid adieu to amazing four years of life, some efforts, some experiences, some teachings, some learnings, some memories, amazing friendship and a final curtain call with dreams. Some lines written by me on the occasion.

It doesn’t count for success or failure
It’s the friends you make
It’s the road you choose
At the end of this cliff I see an ocean of opportunities,
 Creating my destiny
But,
Looking back I see the adventures,
Journey with amazing friends
Journey through unforgettable experiences
Journey amongst the vibes of vibrant aura

Now it’s our final curtain call to the college who gave blissful memories
Standing under its shadow I realize
 Good Bye! Never thought it was so hard to say
Never know when we will experience such beautiful moments again
Never know when we shall make fun of professors again
Never know when we will bunk lectures again
Never know when we will pull each other’s legs again
Never know when we will Experience such spontaneous connections again
Never know when we will group together again
Some memories are created, some are experienced, but some make permanent stay in mind
Many say engineering results in nothing , but for most important take away we have lifetime bonds,
4 years of celebration and an infinite pool of imaginative thoughts! 

After exams traveled to native place in north Maharashtra, experienced lives there was there just for sake of it , mind was still wandering, could not immerse myself there but still enjoyed at my level. Returned home not alone my cousin brother who happens to be of similar age accompanied me. We shared old memories, created some new and bonded together similar childhood days.

 Now attended a distant cousins wedding and has my best time of year there , some moments to be remembered for life. Got a spark of life's purpose.

 I now had plans to make to achieve goals, I want to achieve a lot, now time is a constraint, I has a spark, I had a goal, I had a purpose and I had the plan ready.

  Another wedding in family, some days of enjoyment back to nest to study hard. 

Nature again made an obstacle, I was detected with dengue and lost much time there, I was on medication, I was admitted. It was a big deal though. It thought me the importance of Compassion, Family and profound importance of time.

 Studied for September, October, November 

December had something special, Something good happened to give a spark , Our startup idea was selected amongst top 80 entries at Eureka IITB, attended workshops there, brought new energy, awakened dreams, rejuvenated joy and hope, interacted with amazing people, gave birth to new spirits and now at end of year awaiting further results.
  2018 also saw me learning vehicle driving, innovating in kitchen, organizing myself and most importantly it thought me the power of basics.
  2018 gave me GOAL, Friends who believe in me, it nurtured ideas, and most importantly it gave me TIME.

  2019 Brings with it rising sun of new opportunities, rays of new hope, humanizing light, compassionate breezes, creative aura and success defining environment.


                                                  A HAPPY NEW YEAR