Over the past days life has been through a lot of ups and downs, not sure why but I am unable to cope with the emotional spectrum life offers at the age of 27. For the first time in my life, I felt self confident, also it was the first time I felt worthless.
Sometimes I feel, I don't feel anything and sometimes time just stops, sometimes I am in so much control over myself and sometimes I just done know what am I doing. Sometimes I read, sometimes I listen, sometimes I talk, but most of the time I just keep conversing with self. Sometimes I cry, Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I feel turbulence and sometimes I fell calm. Sometimes I oversleep, Sometimes I am insomniac. Sometimes I keep looking for something just later to realize I don't what I am searching for. Sometimes I just blame the innate me, sometimes I blame the experiential me, Sometimes I blame the conditional me, Sometimes I blame the environmental me. Sometimes I just don't know why I am arguing for, sometimes I just keep quite even when I have a valid argument. Sometimes I am imitating, sometimes I am replicating, sometimes I am hypocrite, and sometimes I am cynical. Sometimes I complete my goals way earlier, sometimes I just don't start towards the goal. It happens at times that I am too innocent to trust and sometimes I holdback for no particular reason.
I don't know why I am losing control over self, or am I gaining control by losing it. Life's not moving for me or rather the frames are reversed I am still while life is moving. I didn't get what I felt pure that created a void which never existed before. I don't know now the difference between pure and artificial. I don't know what I need, or I know now what I am capable of. Culpability towards self and self acceptance is at an all time high, but sometimes I feel Its too much and I have lost a leader, powerful personality in me and I have become just a pawn living for others. I have had my ego dissolution but now I want it back.
The below is an experience I felt while seating on a riverbank in evening and powering the void within:
On the Riverbank I sit,
Pondering the evenings sight.
Mediating the void within,
Lost in introspective fight....
Tears form, shallow's embrace,
Rolling on cheeks, whispers of dissent trace,
Illuminated by sunlight's grace,
Spherical reflections now encase,
Sheen turns into misty space,
Mist takes flight, a gusty glide,
While I sit following the tide....
Sorrow's locked, drifting the flow apart,
carried by wind, aimless depart,
Eyes open, facade of illusion shatter,
As Dusk unveils the lost kingdom's platter....
Ghost of reality swiftly strikes,
demeaning the kingdoms soul it dislikes,
Tears disappear leaving no marks behind,
In the shrine of illusion what do you find??
No tears, nor the sun's ray cast,
Only the Rivers silent joy, so vast,
Unanswered questions in reality's blend,
Illusions fade as dusk descends...
Grasping the reality, seeking what's true,
lost my voice, in the echo of dew,
Evening faced into the blanket of night,
Tales of purity slip from sight....
Like the river's flow from the grasp of my palm,
Slipping quietly, a serene yet haunting calm....
No comments:
Post a Comment